the first anniversary of my father's death was also dia de los nutballs at work. in the first 15 minutes of my shift, i heard an older white lady proselytizing to a pair of korean women who obviously didn't understand english. then i noticed some guy buttonholing a couple of the kids who work for our in-house vendor, at extreme length. when i asked jerome, he told me the cat told him, "you have to vote republican. i know you don't want to. it's the only way we're going to survive." then the religious lady came back and asked me, "are you japanese?" i told her my grandparents were. she told me, "i had a pinched nerve in my back and i was healed by a japanese man speaking in tongues over me." i told her nothing like that had ever happened to anyone in my family.
here's a joke i learned from tommy vincent: a shark and his son are going out to dinner. the shark tells his son, "we'll swim out near the beach and look for legs kicking near the surface. when you see some, go up top, poke your dorsal fin out, and swim around 'em a couple of times. then we'll grab them by the legs and eat them." the son says, "but pop, that sounds like a lot of work. why don't we just grab them by the legs and eat them?" the shark replies, "because they taste a lot better without all that shit in them."